Knot-tying isn't only for Eagle Scouts

"There's no such thing as a 'Hollywood Romance' in marriage. So don't plan on it."

(A dictum routinely mentioned by your average well-meaning, but utterly pedestrian Gospel Doctrine teacher. You know, the same type who's never understood the importance of sarcasm or gelato.)

Of all the tall tales I've ever heard in my life-which is a substantial number since I come from a long line of spooked prospectors, toothless hobos and tittle-tattle relief society members-this cock-and-bull yarn tops them all. If it was prefaced by something about the Easter Bunny, Saint Nick and affordable health care, I might've let it fly, but since it was preached in a manner not so different from those fiery, sweaty religious sermons delivered at spirited tent-covered revivals, it concerns me just a tad.

As sapients capable of abstract thought (see Doestoevsky and Vonnegut) and imaginative enough to compose melodies (plug in Devo and find out for yourself), it's not too much of a stretch to consider our race as innovative enough to plan a candlelit dinner for a crush or to set our alarm clocks early enough to watch the sun rise with our better halves. Remember, this is where free agency is a good thing. You CAN create the lifestyle you choose. It's completely up to you. It's not determined by what anyone else says.

So disregard the ecclesiastical skeptics and J-Lo movies for once, and adopt the Amelies and the Princess Brides.

You won't regret it.

And neither will he and or she.